Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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