before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
