so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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