I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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