I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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