My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize