Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
