I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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