Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
