I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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