So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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