Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Come on in and take your pants off
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