I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
