You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
