my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
