i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
