it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
