Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
