he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
