I'm really into asian looking animals
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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