They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize