my phone needs a breathalizer
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Bring me that man meat
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize