I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
