I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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