This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
