you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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