I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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