Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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