I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
