so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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