so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
