Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You're a waste of cheezeits
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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