You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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