That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
