her vagine was all disorganized.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
