K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize