I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
