I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
