I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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