I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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