i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
