At least make sure they are 18
Why
my sisters under your porch take her home
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
