I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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