my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
