I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
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