god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
