This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
