Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
