Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
