I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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