he puts the penis in happiness.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize