At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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