so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize