I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Randomize
