But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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