Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
