Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
