Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize