we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
