So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
