3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize