what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Randomize
