my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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