The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
