you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
