Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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