those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
