playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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