did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
