im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
