Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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