We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
